Saying Goodbye to Unhealthy Friends

Saying goodbye in general stirs up negative connotations of loss but sometimes saying those words can bring us to a positive place in life. I recently had a friend who went through a college class with me. Her and I had the best time together. We studied all day long together on the days off of school and we’d call and text each other as well. Disturbingly though, my “friend”, we’ll call her Alice, started to show some passive agressive tendancies as well as co-dependent issues as well. I knew then, she was not going to be my friend for the long haul. I knew that the relationship had tipped considerably and it wasn’t in my favor. She was an emotional vampire, draining me of every drop of energy I at one time had. At the beginning of our relationship, she had come to love and laugh at my humor and was overtly complimentary of my so called “wit and charm” as she liked to say. Needless to say, over time I could sense a forboding I couldn’t place my finger on. When the class came to an end and the summer was in full swing, I thought this would be an excellent time to do some soul searching, not just about the strange friendship I had found with Alice but also some life issues I needed to iron out. I decided this summer was going to be an airing of my soul, so to speak. I also decided not to take the a class with my friend that previously we had both signed up for the fall. She took it rather harshly. I couldn’t understand as we all have our own journeys to travel and I told her it wasn’t anything against her, just that I needed some space and that I would be in contact with her toward the summer. I told her that I wasn’t sure that the career choice I had spoken about with her was what I really wanted. She wanted to study for nursing and at first I thought I had as well. Over the summer, she would call me incessantly, “When are we getting together?”, “What are you doing”? and on and on it went. I finally stopped picking up my phone as she would get really upset with me if I didn’t answer her in a way she thought I should. Finally, for 1 week out of the whole summer she decided to leave me be. Then, she left a message on my phone stating that I was an expletive! I didn’t know how it was that I came to elicit this type of behavior from her. In the very beginning of our relationship, she told me (though grudgingly) that she respected that I wanted my distance and that she would give it to me and she would pray for me. Wonderful, except I thought at this point she needed the prayers, not me. So, when she sent me the hateful text message two days later, I decided enough was enough. I called her, informed her of my decision to end our relationship, and told her she needed to iron out some personal issues as well. There were tears of course and she begged me not to leave our friendship but I stayed firm in my resolve, told her that she needed some serious counseling and that I certainly didn’t appreciate the abuse. I then hung up with her begging me not to go. I could sit here and say, yes it was the hardest goodbye I’d ever gone through but I would be lying; It was one of the healthiest goodbyes I think I had ever said in my life. Saying goodbye can be a positive experience, especially when you’re dealing with a friend who is unhealthy. While I do not think I will ever be friends with this woman again, I do pray for her and hope that she gets the psychological help that she needs.

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